An Advent Gift (by Susan)

                The “advent journey” of 2011 has been far different for me than years past. I love how God created it to be this way…a new journey, a fresh, new look at His unchanging truths. As His dearly loved children, he knows the perfect access to our heart. He has the perfect gift in mind that will continue to bless us well after the final candle has been snuffed out and the advent wreath has been put away for the year. For me, God had something special in mind. Since I love giving and receiving gifts, I would have picked the gift of “His loving presence”, “Peace that passes understanding:, “A quiet and meek spirit” would have been an awesome gift for my fiery personality! Instead, my gift was likened to that of “socks and underwear wrapped in an old Nike shoe box”. God’s gift for me was to kindly show me an aspect of sin in my life that would keep me from fully embracing Him this season and beyond. It has kept me from loving my family and friends fully and unfortunately, has been an unnoticed and unwelcomed guest in my heart for as long as I can remember. Perhaps you can relate, when I tell you that the sin of ENTITLEMENT had taken up residence in y heart and when poked with a stick, would rear its ugly heart. Let me put it in holiday terms you can understand. The song of my heart was “Me, Me, Me, My, My, My (sung to the tune of Jingle Bells!)”. Unfortunately, the older I’ve gotten, the more territory it’s claimed. Let me back up to explain the perfect timing to this perfect “gift.”

                Our church is approaching some changes and in early November, they asked us to prayerfully choose a 3-day period prior to Thanksgiving to pray and fast and seek God’s heart for us individually and corporately. My husband and I “picked” our days and I was aware of a growing expectation for God to do BIG things. I entered my fast immediately confessing my selfishness in “wanting something from God, ANYTHING, just make it good!” I decided the “open-hearted stance, expect nothing” approach might be a better way to approach the throne room! Very quickly and very quietly, during my prayer times, God delivered my gift in the kindest, most merciful way and quite matter-of-fact to be honest. There was no condemnation, no shame, (and no audible voice!), but the words were whispered into my heart and echoed around in there for the remaining days of my fast…..“You are a very entitled child.” It was my only “take away” from that fast, but plenty to chew on when the fast ended. While entitlement has resided in my blind spot for years, here’s what it reeks of….I want MY house to be clean and to stay clean. I want MY time to be protected. I want MY children to obey the first time…I mean it this time! Do NOT interrupt ME. Appreciate ME more. Love ME more….you get the idea! In months past, I have complained to my husband on numerous occasions how “entitled” our kids act…hmmm….I just DID NOT connect the dots on that one! But, God gives good and timely gifts and when He shows us our sin, it comes wrapped in the most luxurious mercy with a big, fat bow of grace slapped on top. This gift had a second phase, in case I missed God’s point the first time (which I do frequently!). My sister Stacy had dropped off a book in early November that she insisted was a “must read” (there are a lot of those in our family!). Time slipped away, and I got lost in seasonal preparations, so the book sat and collected dust. For some reason, I was compelled to pick it up about a week and a half ago…you may have heard of it…“Kisses From Katie.” God just needed me to read this book to tenderly remind me. He typically has this “multi-tiered” approach in growing me and “driving home” a point!  I could not put this book down and it just shredded me emotionally. The humility, obedience and utter dependence upon Christ is the theme of this story. At the tender age of eighteen, Katie Davis is light years beyond where I am in my “God walk.” That’s o.k., but I knew God wanted to use her story to AGAIN remind me that my entitlement has kept me from fully laying down “my rights” and fully giving myself over to His good and perfect plan. By opening my eyes to my entitlement, He was opening my eyes to the complete freedom in HIM that I am missing out on. Clinging to my rights has done nothing other than stir anger and selfishness within my soul. I was immediately reminded of Philippians 4:3 “Don’t be selfish, don’t live to make a good impression on others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourself. Don’t think only about your own affairs, but be interested in others, too, and what they are doing. Your attitude should be the same as that Christ Jesus had. Thought he was God, he did not demand and cling to his rights as God. He made himself nothing; he took the humble position of a slave and appeared in human form.” I know that the gift God wants from me is to fully lay down MY rights in all areas of my life, so he can give me the even better gift of utter reliance upon him each and every day…the freedom my heart really longs for. My sister Debbie and I used to sing a homespun song (well, more of a chant/cheer!) on our way to high school that went like this “today is the best day of our lives, tomorrow will be even better, today is a new package just waiting to be opened, so seize the day, live for today, wring it dry of every opportunity.” We didn’t really know that we were singing a freedom song…a song we both desperately need to this day. Each day is God’s gift to us…an invitation to live in the moment, tear off the wrapping, seize it and ask HIM how HE wants this day to be used. In laying down our rights, this freedom is ours to chase after. Live from a place of freedom during this sacred time of year and all the years God has ordained for you!